Your birthday, special ho tum :D

I met you on June 29th for the first time and since then there has been no looking back..

Meeting in MUNs and outside, the story of our friendship had started blooming,
From seeing you as a mentor to sharing secrets with you,
From learning from you to telling you,
From the anger you rain to the love you shower,
From the beauty of friendship to the ugliness of the world,
Our discussions had no topics left to discuss,
From the advices you give to the teachings you teach,
From all the poking to the care you do,
From handling me in DUMUN and sharing the wisdom hence after,
Thank you for all that you have done, thank you for standing by, thank you for listening and thank you for zipping me up when I didn't make sense, thanks a ton for everything you have been..

On this day, this note is for you, this is for the Respect I have for you, thanks.

Lots and truck lots of my bestessst wishes, love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Hey you :)

As the stars shine so bright

& I dip my feet in water,

sitting on these rocks,

besides this beach, 

the view so serene, 

the song of the waves,

reminds me of us & the bond that we share, 

As the waves hits the rocks, 

a silent reminder of her existence, 

and the rocks soak her in its pores, 

a reminder of love, care & affection.

we may not be together always, 

we may not get to stand by each other

but as the sea is incomplete without a corner, 
so is with the friendship that we share. :)

 

Rahul, belated happy birthday. (Gift 1)

He is a player,Cricket is his game.His first love, his bat.Like a gentle lady he treats, her holds her with full care & caution,Romances with her and dances with her,Like a new born baby,He loves her,He dresses her all so good,He makes sure she is well kept,In her case she acts like she is the queen,Jewels on her body, the grip and that english tape,To beautify and protect that masterpiece,He takes full care,There has been no lady in his life,Loyal he has been all throughout,No girlfriend, no mistress, no distraction,It was about her and his dream always...You have no idea how special you are :) 

At dawn there's always some hope Manan :)

It all started in that football field,

Their game had me as the meat,

Where they trampled on me with their words and feet,

They tried to break my morals,

They tried to break my soul,

Just because I said no to the game full of fraud and evil.

They tried to break me, all even.

Fractured, bruised I lay on the ground,

Where they tried to break free my soul,

I promised to myself, one day I’ll show them all,

I practised, I made myself strong and all

I quit everything; I stood by my dream,

I failed, I failed repeatedly,

They laughed and made mockery of me,

It was a path of darkness bends and breaks,

It was difficult for me to stand straight when they’d break my bones

And laugh at the smashed stillness of my soul,

She held my hand all through,

She gave me the courage and the guidance,

She bestowed her trust upon me,

She made me stronger,

It’s because of her that I stand in this field,

One step away from hitting that goal,

I retreat, I watch those faces,

I close my eyes, I remember god, I remember the struggle and all the pain,

With full belief I hit the ball, watching it land in that net.

I can hear the applaud, I can feel her embrace,

Those faces, darn you, I did it.

“There’s just one treasure worth your buying,

Beyond all splendours you may find

Within the tumult and the crying-

The silence of the sunlit light”

Believe you can do it, it’s in you. J

SRM MUN'12- memoir.

This trip started with tons of expectations and lots of fun. This trip was happening after a lot of mishappenings but promise once made had to be kept.  
The train journey, the epic dumb charades, atlas and all kinds of games had all of us laughing and holding on to our stomachs all this while, videos, photos and even the audio recordings all combined couldn't capture the true essence. 
landing in the land of sun, heat and smell of fish, that's how chennai welcomed us. 
With wide arms open, we had zahaan and bambi welcoming us to what they called his dream. 
The amazing hospitality given to us by bambi's family and the meeting tito and narendra and tons of people. 
The chennai dream was coming true right infront of my eyes, the way I had thought, the way we had planned, all of it from day one. 


Meeting people does take you back in time to the exact moment you had met them for the first time, how the bond started to build up and how well the love entangles you and coils you up from threads, these tiny thin layers of trust. 


The next day we were off from bambi's place to SRM University, situated at about 40 kms from addiyar, stuffed in two cars, there were round about 14 of us, with luggages as if we had plans to settle here in this hot a city. The accommodation gave us some sort of a relief, we rested a bit and then ran for inauguration ceremony which made me meet my ip heads, pallav and kavya. 


Committee sessions commenced and I had chosen my committee, DISEC, with maximum strength and varun in the same committee. 


Day one concluded and we all came back to our rooms, a lot of catching up to do, a lot of gossip to start and a lot to end, meeting priya, shrisha and soooo many more people did ring a chord inside my heart, a sinful one. 




Day two saw serious debate and for me it had some special connections, some special memories. Some memories which struck a cord with the ones of my past, it made me smile, it gave happiness to my heart, but as they say all what gives you happiness isn't what will last any longer. 


Day three, as soon as the closing was approaching, the time for us to leave for Pondicherry was clicking, we had packing left to complete, we had goodbyes to bid, with no time we had a lot to accomplish. 


We left SRM, pondicherry here we come. Next morning we were in enroute to Pondicherry. Dropping our luggage at the beach house, all of us run to the beach, the serene view, the blue water, the sun shining with the perfect amount of heat. It was like a painting which had no flaws in it. These visions will be difficult to take out from my dreams.. 
Riding in the nights, the bikes, rock beach, aurbindo asharam, the serene beauty, the internal connection, the peace, the parting gifts, the poems and the tears which went unnoticed. 


The love and bonding which had jumped to the next level. The understanding which had matured like the seeds of a flower, providing fragrance and support to the ones who adored the truth and longing. 


Whatey a trip, what adventure, what memories, what LOVE, unusual but TRUE.  

A new birth, renewal.

It’s a sudden urge to write,

To let go of what my heart holds.

It’s an urge to let lose my hair

And let all the feelings flow.

I want to write and get sorted,

This feeling is nothing less than being fatal,

This urge to get out of this hell that I have built in,

I want to erase this place,

Erase it from all my memories,

Erase it from its inception,

This, writing is helping.

I have a vision, wait, and let me read it for you,

Let me decipher and make it simpler,

Come here. Let me do it for you,

What does your heart hold?

An unfulfilled fulfilment?  

The vision of a richer glory,

Making unfulfilled our hearts

This mockery, mockery of each fulfilment

We must pass, surpass, and pass its small completeness

We must dream on,

Mustn’t let him win,

Mustn’t let him take control,

I need to regain control,

I need to take control,

With sweet memories of your love,

With sour memories of your departure ,

Of beauty now withdrawn from

My strained dimmed sight,

I won’t let your vision die,

I will live it for you.

The pre MUN excitement, SRM Chapter.

The excitement now has crossed all the levels, meeting everybody after almost 6 months and being a part of India’s biggest MUN is a feeling which has no name.

Meeting Zahaan and making all our plans coming to life, fulfilling my promise of being by his side. The long awaited meeting will now happen, after the cancelling of Hindu, my birthday, his birthday & the February plans I finally succeeded  in making a Chennai trip happen and will all due permissions, though it’ll make my TNG case stronger and make me miss my first internal but I am sure it’s worth it.

Meeting Shrisha, a person who I just met so randomly, completely different individuals who just got talking and became the sweetest friends ever, a person who is so sweet that he can compete with aspartame, a friend who always stands by and gives you the best counselling ever, a friend who scolds you for not taking care & makes sure you follow his directions, a person who has his own way with everything.

Meeting Priya & Tito: The much awaited DATE will happen when the three of us sit together, meeting Priya is another story, a story as random as anything, yet again. But the bond we share has nothing to do with randomness, maybe we don’t stay in touch that much but when we talk there is no difference, we still share the best rapport and we will forever be roomies.

Tito, TGIM made me meet a person as sweet as you and since then you have been a complete sweetheart, you have made life much better a place to live in.

Meeting Misbah, Milind, Narender, Varun, Bambi and many more people, so much more to write about. I am sure SRM will give me memories which will fill my blog but I still won’t be over them.

And the train journey with people as awesome as these will be one that I am soooo much excited for, Das, Soni, Bharat, Nayanika, Prerna, Vidya & Shivang, CANNOTBEABLETOWAITNOW. 2 more days till I get there. :D 

My pillars of strength.

When I think about college, all I can see is these three people.

Rahul : There have been so many times when we fought, argued and kicked & slapped each other, we didn’t talk for days & then again got back, each and every exam we were on phone and were trying to calm each other down :P There have been soo many times when you stood by me even when the whole world was anti me, you were one of those people who held my hand tightly. You irritate me to no extent, you call me by various stupid names and relate me to possibly every annoying thing but trust me, no matter how crazy you are, I love you a little too much and you are a cuddleableandhuggableidiot and Iloveyou. :*

Kunal : You are definitely more than a friend, you have been a brother to me, protecting me from all the odd’s quite literally :P You have held my hand tight and made me walk through all my fears and made me smile even in the saddest moments of my life, you pick me upside down, you pull my cheeks and make fun of me, you eat my Maggie & ice-creams, you eat my chocolates too, but I still love you a little too much and I really can’t imagine college without you :*

If I start quoting incidents, I am sure I will run out of words & the word limit. You know how much I love you, don’t you?

Kshitij: I never really talked to you initially, but fresher’s & the ice breaking session got me closer to you, we got talking and I got to know you way better than before. The normal hi-bye turned into a lot more informal chal beey and more. Eating together in the breaks, dropping me back home, we never really fought neither did we argue *touchwood* :p. You have been very patient while listening to all the crap that I usually say, though you leave no stone unturned when it comes to pulling my leg and creeping me out, I still cannot forget the Barakhamba incident, it’s still afresh in my mind and trust me I will never forgive you for the same :P but I also remember the way you tried to cheer me up after the conference and the way you counselled me end number of times. Though we have very limited serious talks but they are enough to tell me that a stupid like you can be a sweetheart too.

And you still have to sponsor my earrings :p

Hahah, you three are the pillar of my strength, 1 and a half year of college would have sucked without you guys, trust me there is no unit of measurement or device which can measure the love I have for you guys and please take this as a bribe and stop irritating me :P

Rahul : You are the best sportsman and the most irritating one too :*

Kunal : You are the best teddy bear, your warm hugs make all my worries run away. :D

Kshitij: You are the best dancer and the worst creep :P

3 more years, I will keep on irritating you guys forever :*

February of 2012

A few moments which I cannot forget, a few which I don’t want to forget. This one is for the ugliness and those beautiful moments which February of 2012 gave me.

# You came in my life as a rebound, I tried to be your friend & you took it all around. You expected what I never promised; you said you’ll be a friend forever but left as soon I burst the bubble of your dreams.

# We were a team when we entered this competition, we worked, we smiled, we ate together and when I had some issues to attend, I thought you guys will understand, you faked it all this while, the problem started to surface when you did something which dragged my name in, I controlled my anger when you woke me up from sleep, when you abused everybody, when you got drunk and violated some rules, you lied to your own friends just to keep your image intact, you guys had lost the respect I once had for you. The fight that day made me see the true faces, yours and his.   

# My friends, a couple of them stuck through me, saw me failing, saw me standing alone, stood by, held my hand and made me walk this path of self realisation, some scolded, some loved, some left and some just accepted me the way I am.

# MUNs, they aren’t just a boost for my CV, they make me see myself in a way I haven’t seen before, the people I meet, the politics that I see, the bitching sessions, everything makes so much sense, the knowledge I grasp, the bonds, the friendships that develop in such a short span and then how they nurture from a small seed to a full grown tree, it’s just so beautiful.

# College, the attendance issues and various people whom I just wish didn’t exist. Classes without the usage of cell phones, Maggie and Aloo bhujia for snacks with Rahul, Kunal and Kshitij every day, dad’s habit of hiding Frooti and hide and seek in bag and scolding me when I don’t finish them. Some life changing events like fresher’s and moot.

# Family, one part of my life which I would never want to change, for handling me when I was shouting and screaming for no reasons at all, for tolerating my stupid antics, for helping me preserve all the memories I had, for taking care of me when I was ill and all down.

# I may crib a lot, but I can never thank you enough for making me what I am today, thank you for all those who were once a part of my life and taught me so much, to all those who are now resistant to the stupid me, thank you for understanding me.

#Your marriage, it was one of those chapters in my book which I’ll keep reading forever and ever, I saw a completely different YOU, the way you handled everything, your calm and jovial nature, those funny moments, the timing of your jokes, your chivalrous acts, the realizations during this phase.

Whattey crazy month it has been, such awesomeness and such crazy fights :D 

A price-tag on her.

Regret, remorse, turmoil, failures,heartbreaks and aches,

A part of my life where I’d say I have seen it all,

But she & her story taught me what no one could. 

An innocent little child,

Lost her innocence when she was not even 9,

The cruelty she faced, the lessons she learned,

Instead of books, she read her mother’s face,

A face which narrated pain and stories of sorrow,

Instead of toys, she played with her life,

She was sold in the market when she turned 15,

It was her birthday present,

Yes her dad loved her in a way, unusual they say.

Some used her to their advantage and others felt sad for her existence,

She tried to kill her and rub her past;

She thought eraser would help in rubbing off those marks,

Naïve, a girl or a forced woman,

This world killed her soul,

A innocent little kid forget what she came here for,

She now herself is a toy, sold in the markets for the old,

A price tag, she does hold.

The manufacturing of which was done by her own father,

And expiry, well that’s a question I left to god. 

Her demise...

As days pass by and her fear surfaces, 

She clings tight to herself during the nights,

The loneliness of her life, clearly visible in those eyes, 

The eyes, which had gotten her a thousand compliments, 

Before, they buried her soul deep in the soil. 

Shattered into pieces, uncountable, 

Her life, a true story of betrayal, 

A heart, punctured as if it was a balloon, 

Her soul yelling from the suffering she faced in during her life.  

She lived a life of a slave, 

Her once beautiful hands, 

Now narrated the story of an untold era of pain, 

The marks on her face were put there, 

To be a constant reminder of the change, 

Of the courage she had to take the less travelled path. 

It appeared to the world, that she did all of this to gain sympathy, 

But what sympathy could do to a heart which was stabbed by the ones she called her own?

What sympathy could do to the face which was destroyed, by the constant beatings?

What sympathy could do to her soul, which now rests in the lap of the one who created her and her misery full life?

She died, not wanting sympathy, but someone to call her own. 

What sympathy could do to her, what help will it provide?

What was her mistake?

Falling in love with the one who promised her to take all her sorrows away?

Or being courageous enough to accept it and face the world all alone?

Or trusting those, who promised her all the happiness in this world, the ones who were entitled to her property after her death?

The ones she called her family, who portrayed her death as suicide, those mean creatures did survive, 

And she lost her battle & her smile. 

  

My first ever moot, GIMC.

Well, 
Its very correctly put by somebody, dreams, sudden plans and all the fucking up happens for good reasons, canceling goa got me here. After a lot of cursing and abusing, I decided to chuck out the necessary check lists options and land up in the so called dry state, gujarat. 
Not a good start though.  
Certain happenings got all 3 of us in a lot of tension. We were pretty upset with such a sad beginning but with the passage of time the dark clouds cleared and the sun was shining brightly, we tried our level best in proving our worth and we made sure that we don't commit more mistakes, but some people had other plans. 
Well destiny did try to fuck up with my plans and dreams but I was sure that this time I am not falling in this bait which they had laid for me, I managed it well. 
Some unusual link ups and heartbreaks got me back on track and my focus was all set again, soon this irritating and not wanting trip came to an end, lots of lessons learned as always, those which will never allow me to take decisions in such a haste. 
Lot of judgments were proved right, a lot of assumptions were proved wrong from the very basic inception.. 

Yaadein...

Mein tujhe bhul jana chati hu,
Tere diye har gum ke saath tere yaadon ko dafnana chati hu,
Tere saath bitaye hue har uss pal mein,
Fir dubara dub jana chahti hu,
Iss tute hue dil ke armano ko ek baar fir pirona chahti hu,
Ha mein tujhe bhul jana chahte hu,
Tere yaadon ke uss bhavr ki gehraye se mein aaj nikal jana chahte hu,

Tere diye hue sapno ko bhul kar mein aagey bad jana chahti hu,
Ha mein iss sabh se dur jana chati hu,
Ha mein tujhe bhul jana chate hu,
Tere saath bitaye hue har uss pal, us lamhe, uss yaad ko mein apne se dur kar dena chate hu,
Ha mein tujhe bhul jana chahti hu

F.R.I.E.N.D.S!

It was a normal day, I was just happily moving around. A bright sunny day on a wintery note, I was liking the sun. 

Break, I was worried about all what was happening & how life was moving on. The politics in college and the work pressure which was buliding. The tension was seeping in & that's when the 'happily moving around turned to moving around with chains heavier than my body weight'. 

While all of this was going on, new tensions were added & I was crying and questioning my credibiality, my competence. 

I was cribbing about it all, when a few friends boosted my morals and helped me survive this annoying phase of life. 

They taught me that people who hurt you will have their ass's kicked, I learnt that being sad wont take me anywhere and that when I have friends like these my life has a 1000 more reasons to smile and feel blessed.  

Yes, they make fun of me, take my case but now I know whom I should turn to when my life is on a all time low mode. 

They made me realize my worth & told me that tough times shall pass & I am going to make it through the top. 

This note is just a feeling, feelings which I have kept inside from such a long time. 

Thank you guys for all what you people have done for me. 

I love you. 

I love you all :)

Some old feelings being re-lived

I say I'm hurt,
but no one ask why.

They see me crying,
but they just pass by.
 I don't understand why your love makes me feel this way,

Because when I hear your voice,
I feel weak and walk away.

You call my name,
and I slowly retreat
you walk towards me,
and my heart starts to beat,
faster and faster,
with every step you take,
my pain grows larger.
because I know things will never be the same ever again. 

:)

Dil se ek awaz nikle,

honthon pe woh aa pahuchii,

pucha iss dil ne dhadkan se ,

kya hai iss berukhi ka karan?

Mere hoonth sil gaye ,

Aankein num hone lagi,

Yaad tumhare jo aaye ,

Mein yaadon ke karawan mein khone lagi,

Yaad tumhari mere dil ko rulane lagi ,

Aankhein fir aaj mere kyu sagar barsane lagi?

Pucha mene khuda se

Phir kyu aaj yaad aaye tum?

Samjh mein na aaya kuch mere,

Chup hoke mein fir se aaj rone lagi ,

Dil se ek aawaz nikle

Hoonthon pe who aa pahunchii

Yaad tumhari jo aaye aankhien phirse aaj sagar barsane lagi. 

Kuch likhna chahte hun sochte hun kya likhun?

                    

Phoolon ke who mehkte khusbhooo

Barish ka who bhiga pani

Aur hawa mein jot hi rawani

Kya uss mausam ka khumar likhu?

Kuch likhna chate hun sochte hun  kya likhu

Yaad  tumhari aate hai

Raat-raat bhar rulati hai

Sone se pehle he aankhein num ho jaate hai

Kya  iss ehsaas ke jazbaat likhu?

Kuch likhna chahte huin sochte hun kya likhu

Pal pal hasate thae tum

Aaj unhe paalo ka intezaar hai,

Pata tha tumhe tanhaai se dar lagte hai mujhe

Phir kyu raaste mein he akela chod gaye?

Kya iss pal ke doobte farmaish likhu?

Kuch likhna chathe hu sochte hun kya likhu

Relationship's

These are the ships which give you a ride of possibly every emotion, happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, depression, love, hatred.

I have been one of those lucky people who have fallen in love and fallen out of it as well. I have learnt so much from each and every person who came in my life. I learnt the art of not being bothered from some, the art of hiding beneath a mask, loving unconditionally, loving just to gain some advantage and possibly so much more.

So happy that I never put all of it into practice, so happy that they left.

Some people say love ruins everything; it ruins the friendship that you once shared with that person. I agree with the latter. Love in itself is a very strong expression.

Love what do you mean by it? I hear random people saying “I love you” and I laugh.

It just makes me feel weird how easily people use this word without knowing what it means.

Love according to me is something which cannot be described; it’s deeper and way too intense than what it appears to be.

It’s something which is natural and never comes out as an obligation, it’s simple and pure.

It’s not demanding in nature, its rather understanding.

It can give your heart aches and breaks, but will make sure you get the best time of your life when you have someone to love & someone who loves you in return.

It’s a feeling when everything else seems to be perfect, when small small things don’t really bother you, when you can see rainbows in the darkest nights. When you can feel the warmth of sunlight on a rainy day, your world seems to be complete with just one person’s presence. Everything falls in the right places. All the gaps now vanish.

You smile more, you worry less.

You see that person everywhere, you see him when you sleep, you see him when you open your eyes, and you can feel his breath on your neck, you imagine yourself dancing in his arms, holding hands with him when things are rough.

He is what you want and he is what you need.

Remember once all your eyes could see were your parents and now it’s just him. Isn’t this unfair?

A stranger caught so much of your attention that you forgot the ones who stood by you all these years. And even when he broke up with you and you go back to your parents, they accept you.

That’s love.

The truest form of love.

A story untold

6 months back I met this stranger who became a close friend. The friendship that we shared was rather amusing; the trust that developed in such a short span was something which was new to me. The confessions of this cherish able friendship were from both the sides…

Time was passing quickly and we were getting closer to each other, both of us knew that we had no future but nothing came in-between our friendship and we kept on moving.

We never planned things; all what happened between us was a result of affection & the sense of attraction that we both shared. I was happy after a long time that I had somebody to call my own, somebody whom I trusted & somebody who’d always be standing by my side… I guess I had started falling for him, or maybe not, I never really gave it a thought because his presence was very special to me.

But destiny is a bitch, the person interpreted me in a way which led to misunderstandings and the bond which was unbreakable started shaking, there were knots now in the friendship that once bloomed like the flowers in the spring.

Well this wasn’t a thing which I was not used to, it happened all the time… the person I’d love had to leave me in one way or the other, either it had to be the loss of friendship or it had to be the death of this feeling which was once a thought which kept me going, to be with him all my life.

Yet again I reach to the same conclusion; one comes alone & has to leave alone. There can be nobody who’d not break your heart while you all you can do in return is smile….

(I still have to decipher did I just consider him as a friend or I did really fell in love with him?)

This was NSS, Hansraj college.

It was out of complete coincidence that I could make it to Padaku that day, with a random plan of meeting a friend and then an extension got me into that room. Lots of kids and, their sweet smiles. Those innocent eyes had caught my heart; I felt I was one of them. The purity of their souls was clearly visible on their faces. They had a vision in their eyes, some came here to study and some just wanted to play. Padaku was an initiative by a few students in 2008 which was pretty much successful, atleast after seeing 50 students in that room; one would surely appreciate the minds behind this idea. I was pretty much happy and excited because it was after a long time I was going to teach kids who really wanted to study even after such disturbing backgrounds, it was not just an opportunity but an experience of its own kind.

When those kids smiled, shook hands with me and said that they’d be happy to see me again, I felt that I had a reason to smile, to live this life. Those kids taught me many lessons, lessons which will definitely make me smile in those times of troubles.

As a saying goes : “The soul is healed by being with children”, it was true for me because of NSS at Hansraj College.