confusion..

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” There are so many things that are going on.. so much of drama.. politics.. confusions.. mistakes.. misapprehensions .. a state of mental & physical disarray is what i believe it is.. there are things i cant describe.. things that i dont know about..  There are times when i sit beside the window , peeping out  , weeping sobbing at nights, trying to think how will all this shit fall in place, will i ever come out of it,, seeing others rise.. & i commit a mistake again, yet another & here's a blunder.. i write without rhymes.. thinking about things.. starting form things that admire you for one's beauty.. a piece of garland or even a chaplet.. a perfect example  of lulu's.. to a piece of carcass lying aloof.. so dead.. so numb.. a though process begins with the questions..  why do i need to rhyme.. why do i need to make sense.. is this want i want.. why another mistake..  No need to rhyme when I have the poem inside me Lifting above the surface, then falling without care A ghost breathing in time with me Leaving the ache inside more empty than before What defines the lines of my sadness? What makes the feeling of wanting to fade? I still have yet to learn how to break away from everything Because the steps are taken harshly as they walk all over me .. Tears of pain fall forever They can't help the fever Can't kill the flame inside No good within can abide   All to live for consumed Everything that once fueled The vivid person I knew Is now gone like the dew .. Tears crumble down my cheeks. My mouth moves but I don't speak. Hold my breath and count to ten. Open my eyes, tears roll down again. I Would tell You It's Fine While filled with pain Spreading into my spine I won't Smile at You Again You Can tell I am Fading Only when, I start to shake Nothing would be aching When I let go and Break Surrounded by the lies Those lies made by you You are the reason I survive And Reach Places, With No Clue.. i tried to change.. change all that has been happening..  to make a new move.. to have a new start..  to forget the past.. to light up a new lamp..  make this a fresh new dew.. with no mourning over my pain..  with just laughter to seal my tears..  and there are things i would not tell you just for the fact i dont want to blame you..  still there is so much left unsaid.. stories left untold..  with no remarks